Now that I am one of the people setting at the table, I now am very sensitive to the needs of the parents who come into these meetings feeling bewildered and often afraid for their child. Because I was once and still am on the other side of the table, I always try to be sensitive to the needs and feelings of parents. It's funny because I have never had a problem with a parent at school. Hmmm. Maybe because I actually like these people. I also love their children. I do not see them as a problem or obstacle in my path but more as the reason I am there. Here is a list of the things that I hate about Special Education meetings and some ways I think professionals could make them better and less intimidating. I am sure that many of you out there will know exactly what I am talking about.
1) You feel like you have walked into a lunch room and sat down with the "popular clique" at high school and you are not a part of the clique. How dare these people continue to talk about their weekend at the shore while you are sitting there as if you are not there. You are there to discuss the most important issues in your life as well as your child's and people are ignoring you or discussing personal issues that do no pertain to you. I always try to talk about the child while we are waiting. Perhaps I discuss some little thing that the child has said or done. I introduce the other members of the team or just chat about life. So what if this person is different, you can find common ground with anyone and usually the easiest thing to discuss is the child. We are not talking about brass tacks here. How about the cute thing he said the other day.
2) The fact that it is called an IEP meeting. In Connecticut we call it a PPT. In other states they call it different things. The fact that we are discussing a human being with acronyms is absurd, especially when half of the people do not know the meaning of this language we are speaking. If you must use these terms take the time to explain what you are talking about. Erase the mystery behind the process and people will actually feel that they are a part of the team which they are supposed to be a part of in the first place.
3) The mystery behind the evaluation results Why can't we supply the parent with the full evaluation and a discription of the tests while we are discussing the results. Why must things be so mysterious. Most people will understand what we are talking about if it is explained to them in simple language. Sometimes the people at the meeting do not understand what the other team members reports mean. How do we expect a parent to understand what we are talking about. These people are trusting us with their children. No wonder people think that they need advocates when they probably do not. They need someone to help them wade through this sea of complex imformation. We are the very people who frighten them and make them feel that their child is not getting what they need because they have no idea what we are doing in the first place.
4) Dismissing Parents Legitimate or not Legitimate Concerns
How dare we dismiss a parents concerns about their child. At least we need to empathize with the needs and desires of the parent. It does not mean we have to do something to fix the problem but at least we need to listen.
5)Do not lie to a parent! Sure it seems easy to say "sure we do that" when we do not but in the end it is wrong. Do not lie. Ever!
6) Start the meeting on time! If you cannot be on time, do not just leave the parent sitting there alone. It is similar to waiting at the dentist to have your teeth drilled. You do not feel any better the longer you wait. You usually feel worse!
Remember that this person is on your turf, you need to help them feel comfortable.
It's funny because in the end, this all looks to me to be something called "good manners" but I guess we need to teach this. Interesting it seems that the people who are in charge of teaching social skills need a few lessons of their own. Being rude is not something that we are taught to do by our districts or even in universities. It seems that my bosses seem to respect me more because I treat parents as I wanted to be treated. I also think that it greatly reduces the need for due process hearing and in that we all win. Especially the most important person in the whole process. The child.
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2 comments:
Wow, I wish you were here on my "TEAM"
As you know the "TEAM" doesn't include the parent. Why does it take so long (months) to get the child help. We started the testing in November meeting 2 days before x-mas break, results not enough discrepancy between achievement and ability. That pissed me off and after reviewing the report I noticed they didn't check the (CTOPP). BINGO, why did I have to request this????? Not to mention all the time waisted and here comes summer. I going on Monday. Wish me luck....
Dear Mom of 3,
This is really stressful and you feel like you have wasted a year. This discrepancy model is not the only way for a child to qualify. They can also use their "professional judgement" as well as the classroom observations to qualify a child. One problem with this model is it does not account for many learning disabilities that afflict very intelligent children or things like autism that is often undiagnosed. God Speed! Just do not act insane. They really shut down then. Try to stay calm which it seems that you are doing by educating yourself. Once they see that you are not going away they often fold.
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